Solitary Penguin

BYE!

2008-10-27T13:32:00.003+11:00

If you're one of those people that used to read this blog, and if you're foolish, still read the blog and haven't cottoned on to the fact that I hardly ever write anymore, the time has come for me to put it to bed.

Just so you know, the business is starting to reach the light at the end of the extremely long, skint, destitute, torturous tunnel. Also, TJ and I are working together towards a common goal and quite frankly, I don't think that we could possibly be in a better place at this moment. In all aspects, we're keeping our head above water and we can see where we're headed, not too far away.

Looking back, I can honestly say I've run through the whole gamut of emotions - and isn't that what it's all about?

Take care!

TRUE PROFESSIONALISM

2008-09-28T12:53:00.001+10:00

I love my job so much, it hurts sometimes.

Dentists are so cool.

Or was that crazy?

MOVING ON

2008-09-23T23:12:00.003+10:00

It's interesting that when God closes a door, he seems to open a window. So now that my love life is decidedly non-existent, the business seems to be coming to life.

I may even make a miniscule amount of money this month.

I always said to myself that when the practice turned a profit, I was going to buy a bottle of Moet.

I've turned into such a tight ass, I really don't want to spend the money. I should use my Moet money to pay of my HUMONGOUS, GIGANTIC, ENORMOUS, ASTRONOMICAL debt.

Meanwhile, although recent events have revealed that the door to the relationship with TJ is not firmly closed, I do think it best to leave my options open and am going to get back out there again.

Stay tuned for more posts detailing strange and uncomfortable future dates!!!

CHANGES

2008-09-18T20:28:00.002+10:00

It's been 10 months now, slogging my guts out in my practice, working, selling my soul.

It's building. It's slow, but it seems to be building. After spending tens of thousands of dollars, I think I'm nearing the point where I'm going to start to break even every month.

That is so damned exciting I could pee.

I could just pee.

In other news, after 16 months, the infamous TJ and I have called it quits. I am quietly devastated. I feel as though I had to cut my arm off. I cried at a supermarket checkout and the girl felt so sorry for me she offered me a rewards card.

The problem is, he changes his mind 20 times a day as to whether or not he wants us to get married and so, I shouldn't be with him. Without out my being there he'll finally make up his mind one way or the other.

In the meantime, the penguin's mending and getting ready to dive back in.

Wish me luck.

LOVE ME, LOVE MY DESPERATE HANGERS ON

2008-07-08T15:34:00.003+10:00

TJ's ex-flatmate bugs the crap out of me.

I believe her to cherish a deep, burning, itching, rupturing, crusting passion for him for the following reasons:

they used to have sex
she wanted more than sex and was told he wasn't interested
she says nasty things about me, but in a "nice" way
she is always reminding him of how important she is in his life and how she's influenced who he is as a person, his job, where he lives
she gets shitty that he and I shop at the same supermarket she and he used to shop together at

Also, I unwittingly went on a date with her ex-boyfriend while they were still together. I may have mentioned Man with jellyfish-like bags of flesh attached to his lips. I swear I didn't know they were together!

It's funny the way life turns out. Most of my friends are attached now and we don't seem to see each other as often as we did. Everyone's lives are moving in different directions and no one appears to want to make time for old friends. Sad.

I'd like to see my friends more. I'm starting to feel a bit disconnected.

It would also be nice not to have to hang around with TJ's lusty friends all the time.

F%$KING F@#KING B*TCH!!!!!

2008-04-03T21:36:00.004+11:00

My local prosthodontist had a birthday party today to celebrate his surgery being open for a year. I was invited and thought it would be a great opportunity to booze n' schmooze with all the local specialists. Also, it's nice to be friendly with the people you refer to.

I was chatting to an ortho who actually used to be a lecturer of mine back in university.

Ortho: Congratulations on owning your own practice! That used to be owned by Dr Whatchamacallit and then it was owned by Dr Whosit and then it was owned by Mrs Whippy and now by you! Actually, she's just bought a practice earlier this week.

Me: Wha-?........(Picking my chin up off the floor.) Wow...do you know where?

Ortho: No, I only just heard about it.

Now, I only bought the practice 5 months ago, and in the contract we signed, she is not allowed to own a practice for 2 years.

Question: Should I sue her and try and screw some money back out of her?

A SLIGHT HICCUP

2008-03-11T11:15:00.002+11:00

Or rather a projectile vomit.

I'm not sure if I've previously mentioned that I work part-time for an extremely rich, snobby, anal, uptight, self-absorbed female dentist, hereafter referred to as Verbosia.

I've been working for her 2 days a week. Her fees are astronomical and as her fees have increased, the clientele have steadily declined, to the point where I was only seeing 2-3 patients a day as none of the new patient were being retained. I think it was because when I gave them their treatment plans, they realised they were going to have to sell a kidney or a first born child to fund their 2 fillings.

Verbosia has issues with her neck (her neck? Her head more like.) due to working herself like a dog, and also needs time to spend getting facials, manicures and Botox injections. She's the sort of person who delights in telling people "Ugh, I hate supermarkets." Consequently, she only shops at designer grocery stores. Anyway, I digress.

She's been asking me repeatedly to work more days for her and I've been repeatedly saying no. No, no no no no. I don't see enough patients to fill one day, let alone another one, so no. No. No no.

Anway, the long of the short of it is that eventually I had to tell her I have my own practice. She sacked me on the spot and told me I was unethical and disgusting.

I can understand her being angry though.

Anyway, so I'm looking for another part-time job.

*sigh*

THE PROBLEM WITH THE GAY AND LESBIAN MARDI GRAS:

2008-03-03T09:00:00.004+11:00

There are too many 16 year olds trying to look like this:

or this

The parade was very long. I must be getting old because I look at all the teenagers and wonder how on earth their parents let them go out at night wearing corsets and fishnet stockings.

******************************

Anyway, I'm back at work now, sitting in the quiet.

After a number of months here, I discovered what a bad reputation the previous dentist had, and how she destroyed any goodwill that may have been here. So, I'm getting myself into more debt by spending money on marketing to completely rehaul the image of the practice, as well as give it an internal makeover.

Apparently, Mrs Whippy renovated the practice only 2 years ago but the flooring she used was so cheap and nasty it looks terrible. You can also see where all the off-cuts of vinyl she used have been "sealed".

I'm redoing crowns and bridges she only placed a year ago at half price. The technician has kindly agreed to meet me halfway on his fee. All these patients have been complaining about sensitivity on their crowns and were simply told that it was just the way their teeth are. Thing is, when you look at the crowns, they don't fit - at all.

I also hate the fact that she gets her husband to ring here on the days I'm working my other job to try and suss out what I'm doing.

OLD FRIENDS

2008-03-01T10:27:00.002+11:00

Last night, TJ's ex-girlfriend, Clogs, arrived from overseas with her current boyfriend. She's been living in Europe for a number of years.

TJ and Clogs dated for 5 years. I was actually pretty nervous about meeting her as TJ had warned me that she would probqbly be horrible to me, as she had been a bit mean to TJ's other ex-girlfriend (I know how to pick 'em, don't I?) when she met her. According to TJ, Clogs is still madly in love with him and wants to marry him and is extremely possessive.

I met her and she was perfectly pleasant.

TJ is stroking his own ego.

*************************

By the way, thankyou to the ones and twos of you who have given me support in this business angst!!! I could post pages and pages about all the drama I've been through, but I wouldn't want to sound like a bigger whiner than I already do.

Kisses!

OKAY, SO THE STORY SO FAR:

2008-02-28T09:13:00.003+11:00

I bought this little 2 surgery practice in Sydney's snobby Eastern Suburbs. It's in a great location and the practice has been there for 15 years.

I bought it from a dentist who had owned it for 2 years. I'll call her Mrs Whippy.

Mrs Whippy has a husband who's training to be a maxillofacial surgeon, and is currently studying medicine. She's in her early 30's and has 5 kids, though I have just heard she's pregnant with her 6th. They're very religious people.

Anyway, before the purchase, I took stock of all the instruments and counted everything and noted there was a giant broken dental chair in the garage that was obviously trash. Mrs Whippy asked me if I was interested in buying her stock. I looked through the stock cupboards and counted the boxes of materials and agreed to pay her asking price of $2500.

The day of the purchase rolled around, I handed her a giant cheque for more money that ever I have seen in my life and proceeded to explore *my new business*.

I decided to rearrange the stock cupboard.

On turning the boxes around, I realised everything had expired in 2005.

I also realised that all the surgical equipment, local anaesthetic, stationary, pens, toothpaste, folders, stamps, envelopes had been cleaned out.

I also realised that the broken dental chair which I had asked her to remove was still there.

I rang her.

Her response: "It's not my problem. Why don't you just deal with it?"

I have also realised in the past 3 and a half months since seeing the very few patients that remain loyal to the practice, that she ripped a great deal of them off and did shithouse, dodgy work.

She also told the remianing staff member that I would fix up the wages that Mrs Whippy owed her.

I'm trying to resurrect this place, but it's damn hard.

She left a whole bunch of framed ugly photos or flowers on the wall that belong to her aunt that she was trying to sell, and before the sale I agreed that when I no longer needed them to dress the walls I would give them back to her.

Should I give them back to her or sell them down at Bondi markets?

RISEN FROM THE ASHES (PERHAPS)

2008-02-24T20:34:00.002+11:00

I realise I have been absent. Apologies to the ones and twos of you out there that sporadically read my blog.

Update:

With TJ and actually -happy. I know, I know. I am also shocked.
Have bought my practice and struggling, struggling with it. It's a long story and I will tell it another time when I have more energy.
Have quit working at The Institution.
Am still living at home with parents. Am embarassed to be writing this. Am cringing as I type.

More to follow.

Good to be back.

NON-EVENTS OF LATE

2007-08-23T14:44:00.000+10:00

Life really has been quite boring in recent times.

TJ moved to a new apartment and I helped him move and clean. We've been tediously domestic, cooking dinner and watching Australian Idol. To celebrate the move, he made me dinner (spaghetti bolognaise) and I made dessert (chocolate cake).

The practice purchase is going ahead and hopefully I should be working in my own practice by sometime in October. I'm not looking forward to going back to work 6 days a week, but since I have an incredibly short attention span, I am looking forward to working for myself.

I've sent a polite letter to Ugly Bug-Eyed Stick Insect With Superiority Complex's practice assuming there is a "computing error" that is causing her to try and use my goodwill to grow her business. If she doesn't stop it, I will drive back to Mullet Country so I can pull her hair.

TJ is taking me to Canberra on the last weekend of August to meet one of his brothers and his sister. The most exciting this about this trip is the prospect of going to Koko Black to have hot chocolate affogatos and chocolate walnuts.

HOW MY LIFE HAS CHANGED THIS YEAR:

2007-08-14T21:40:00.000+10:00

Entered the dental Fellowship
Quit my job
Making the moves to own my own business
Moved back home with parents
Started going to gym
In steady relationship
Started new job
Allowed myself to have a sabbatical
Made time to go on holidays

Verdict: Huzzah!

(I found out today from a friend of mine that I used to see as a patient at Ugly Bug-Eyed Stick Insect With Superiority Complex's practice (you know, Dr Evil's girlfriend), that more than a year after I've left the practice, she is signing my name on recall cards to get the patients to come back to her. She's got some hide on her considering she screamed at me, accusing me of trying to steal her patients and calling me immoral, unethical and unprofessional. Stupid bitch.)

FIJI

2007-08-06T10:29:00.000+10:00

TJ and I had a great time in Fiji. We stayed at a resort called The Warwick, which is on the Coral Coast near the town of Korolevu.

We got an all inclusive package which was all meals, wine, beer and local spirits. Bliss. Due to this package, this following situation was a frequent occurence:

Man in Hawaiian shirt with frangipani behind his ear walks up to my deckchair under an umbrella on the beach.

Man: Bula! Would you like a drink?

Me: Yes...Yes...I would like a vodka-pineapple juice.

TJ: Do you know how do make a spider?

Man: Er....ice-cream with Coke?

TJ: But could you put a shot of vodka in it?

20 minutes later, Man in Hawaiian shirt with frangipani behind his ear returns to take away empty glasses.

Man: Bula! Would you like another drink?

Me: Yes...Yes...I would like a vodka-Coke.

TJ: Can I have another vodka spider?

Repeat several times a day, almost every day.

I did go diving one day at Beqa Lagoon, which is ranked as one of top 10 dives sites in the world. It's meant to be famous for sharks, which is why I was so excited to go. However, as luck would have it, I did not see a single shark. The dive site though, is amazing. The water is so beautifully clear, the visibility is endless, and there's a wreck of a Japanese fishing vessel that has been colonised with soft coral that was actually able to be penetrated. (Fijians are very relaxed about this sort of thing.) I would definitely love to dive Fiji again some day.

All in all, we had an awesome time. Great food, endless drink, clean water for diving, swimming and snorkelling, got a great tan and had a lovely, memorable time. Fijians are incredibly friendly and we were so impressed with how the waiter at the Wicked Walu restaraunt not only remembered our names, but everything that we had ordered when we went back for a second visit.

Now I'm back in Sydney in the freezing cold and wishing I was going on holidays again.

PHONE CONVERSATION

2007-07-31T21:46:00.000+10:00

TJ and I have been together ( for the third time ) for 3 months.

TJ: Happy anniversary for tomorrow baby.

Me: Thanks...( silence )...Our anniversary is the day after tomorrow.

TJ: Oh.

Poor thing.

!!!!!!! x 100

2007-07-20T10:01:00.000+10:00

I am buying my own practice.

It's a nice 2 surgery practice in the Eastern Suburbs and I am very very very very very excited.

I was going to try to get into perio and although I love it, I've decided this is going to be the better choice. Now that I'm actually doing it, I'm sure this is the right thing to do.

TJ says I'm going to turn into a posh Eastern Suburbs snob. He's so excited for me.

This is great!!!

It's my ticket out of The Shire!*

*For those who aren't familiar, The Shire is an area of Sydney and legend has it that if you're born and raised there, you're going to DIE there. I definitely do not want to be another statistic.

2007-07-05T16:48:00.000+10:00

Yesterday...

Mum: So you're going to Fiji, huh?

Me: Yep.

Mum: When are you leaving?

Me: Next Tuesday.

Mum:...Uh hah....

Today...

She was on an enraged, abode-cleaning frenzy. I had to leave the house to avoid being bludgeoned with the vacuum cleaner.

She only cleans likes that when she's furious.

No wonder house-work scares me.

LIKE A LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER...

2007-06-28T10:41:00.000+10:00

TJ is going to be meeting the parents Saturday week.

He says he's excited because my mother wants to prepare a steamboat.

He has no idea what he's in for.

BULA!

2007-06-26T23:00:00.000+10:00

TJ and I have just booked flights to Fiji for a short holiday. It should be interesting telling my parents considering the conversation I had with my mother a week ago.

Mum: "So are you still going to go on holidays?"

Me: "Yeah...I was thinking about Fiji or the Whitsundays..."

Mum: "Fiji??? No. You're not allowed to go to Fiji. You're not going there. You had better go to the Whitsundays. Are you going alone? A girl travelling alone...it's not safe."

Me: "I was, but TJ wants to come."

Mum: "What??? You're going with TJ??? .....You had better have him around for dinner so I can meet him...He might take advantage of you."

Me: (Silence....If I speak my head may explode and then she would complain about the mess.)

MY WORST NIGHTMARE

2007-06-21T16:36:00.000+10:00

I am moving back home with my parents.

I will be completing the move from Mullet Country tomorrow and am in the process of moving back into my parent's home...

They are breaking me into my new life with little snippets of :

"Where have you been all day?"
"You're wearing that?"
"Make sure you keep your room tidier. You must have lived like an animal." (No, it's because I'm just moving all my stuff in. Of course it's a shambles!)
"Why do you have so much stuff?" (Because I've been living on my own. Did you think I lived in an empty apartment?)
"Where are you going?"
"I want you to mind our shop/pick up your brother/fill in these forms for me/book airline tickets for me/pay these bills for me."
"What time did you come home last night?"
"When are you going to find a husband???"
"I met a nice boy at church for you."

I am having a 4-6 week sabbatical before I start my new job. Not long after I start, I am planning to make a swift escape from my parent's clutches.

THE END!

2007-06-14T23:27:00.000+10:00

I am supposed to finish my employment tomorrow. However, I actually finished today. Yesterday, Dr Evil told the receptionists to cancel all my appointments for tomorrow. Needless to say, I was a bit suprised when I came in for work today.

What is happening is essentially a perfect example of what happens if you give someone enough rope - they hang themself. He's been an arsehole, and now he's paying the price.

I was due to cease my employment this week. Last week, another dentist, AD, handed his notice in, and two days ago, the other dentist, GB, handed in her resignation.

Dr Evil believes this to be a conspiracy to bring his practice down and that I'm behind it. Hence, the early forced departure.

Unfortunately for him, I'm totally thrilled. I get an earlymark!!!

I decided to collect some severance pay: a box of gloves so I can clean my apartment out and a bottle of topical anaesthetic pellets. I like to rub them on mosquito bites.

I DON'T THINK WE'RE IN KANSAS ANYMORE...

2007-06-03T09:48:00.000+10:00

TJ and I have been seeing each other for a month. The strange thing is that we haven't broken up yet. Even stranger is that we're now not seeing other people.

I have 2 more weeks of work left with Dr Evil. He has been giving me the cold shoulder for the past 8 weeks. I love it.

PHONE CONVERSATION

2007-05-22T22:20:00.000+10:00

TJ: I need to go to the supermarket....It's boring going on my own....It'd be fun to go with someone....But you're too far away...

Kissaki: Oh well...have fun shopping for your yoghurt and muesli...

TJ: Do you want me to get you anything?

Kissaki: (laughs) Oh no! We're not there yet!

TJ: What do you mean??

Kissaki: Honey, would you pick me up some tampons?

TJ: That's disgusting!

INTERPROXIMAL HYGIENE

2007-05-21T17:55:00.000+10:00

I can't believe I'm so out of touch. All this time I've been advising my patients to floss without knowing the actual meaning.

floss:
1)To flaunt expensive merchandise such as Iced-out rollies, Jaguars on Triple Golds, Gem-encrusted Pimp goblets, Huge whops of dank hydro, etc.
2)To show off, especially things of high value.

flossing:
1)Verb: The act of chilling in one place for a long period of time, in attempts to attract others' attention. Most often involves ghetto males attracting hood rats with large amounts of shiny metals (i.e. diamonds, gold, platinum, chrome, etc.).
2)When the crotch of a woman's pants/underwear is so tight against her that the labia mounds are clearly visible. Aptly named because the article of clothing is acting as the "floss" for her nether garden. See camel toe.
3)When a dude pulls out a girl's tampon with his teeth right before going down on her.

Thanks to www.urbandictionary.com for enlightening me.

UNDER THE INFLUENCE

2007-05-15T19:10:00.000+10:00

Well, one thing I have to say for my life - if nothing, at least it's interesting.

I attended an oral surgery course today. It has a year long waiting list and they only take 6 people per year. Lucky me, my number came up this year. Lucky me, one of the attendees was Mole, who some of you may have seen me mention in the odd supermarket shouty incident. I made a real effort to pretend that I never saw him and that I still can't see him. How mature am I???

Ah, the saga that is TJ and Kissaki. Still "together", so to speak. It's so crazy - why do we feel the need to keep trying? Push, pull. Up, down. Smooth sailing it ain't.

How to make Kissaki go crazy:
1) Take one emotionally volatile individual.
2) Shower liberally with contriteness and sincerity.
3) Douse with affection and good feelings.
4) After some time, mix with detachment and aloofness.
5) Repeat steps 3 and 4 over and over again.

OBLIGATORY POST

2007-05-13T20:33:00.000+10:00

The life and times of the penguin:

Saw the weedy-looking, but divine-sounding James Morrison in concert last night. Unfortunately was positioned behind an amazonian monster with the biggest hair I've ever seen in my life. Her hair could probably be seen from space.
Things with TJ are going reasonably well, though as always, ups and downs. Have made the decision to ride the wave and have no expectations. Was bought flowers to my pleasant suprise.
Am finishing up work in 5 weeks. Hurrah!
Have been shortlisted for entry to Perio. Guzzah!
Am trying to brush off SP who keeps telling me he misses me - despite the fact that he doesn't know me.

Good times.

ROUND 3...FIGHT!

2007-05-03T09:01:00.000+10:00

TJ versus Kissaki.

Pick from one of the following:

Three times lucky.
Third time's a charm.
Three strikes and you're out!

*****************

SP is incredibly persistent, effusive with his flattery, and methinks, a bit flakey. Talking about being in love and watching sunsets and other such saccharine sop.

AND THE NEXT CONTESTANT IS...

2007-04-28T22:02:00.000+10:00

I'm going to go out on a date with this guy I met, SP in a few weeks.

He seems a little crazy, but he also seems to be intelligent and pretty darn cute.

Mind you, I'm hardly one to call people crazy. I'm a non-blonde, cross between Elliot Reed and Bridget Jones who can't eat bananas if they haven't been trifled with in some way and initiates new staff members by making fake poos out of coffee and alginate.

ACHTUNG!!! POST FILLED WITH ANGST!!!

2007-04-23T22:00:00.000+10:00

I was talking today with a friend about life and goals. I said that although we try to live life in such a way that we don't plan too much and enjoy the ride, we still should have some sort of idea of where we want to go, or else end up feeling or being lost.

I've been thinking about my own life and my own goals, and to be honest, the only goals in my life that I can think of are my professional and career goals. As for personal goals and relationship goals, I have none. I suppose that explains why I sometimes feel as though I'm pacing around in a locked room.

I was asked, if I could flip a switch and erase my past with MC, would I do it?

A difficult question with a very ambivalent answer.

The times spent with MC were some of the best times of my life. I can't remember being happier than when I was spending time with him, nurturing him, and seeing and feeling the world when I loved him.

However, being with him changed me. I feel damaged, as though the edges of my personality have been blunted. I felt outgoing and vibrant, and now I feel cynical, emotionally reserved and untrusting. The things that he initally liked about me were later on the things that he wanted to be changed.

So would I erase all the memories to return back to the person that I was?

I suppose it's a stupid question. Whatever I would prefer, it can't be done.

I was at the supermarket, doing my shop for the week and was at the checkout, numbly watching the spotty-faced teen scanning the items. Someone queued behind me and started to unload their groceries. I turned to look at the and it was Mole, a man who at one time had been a student in my year at university, though he did repeat a year. Admittedly, although I was never unkind to him, I didn't like him very much and never spoke to him. (I suppose that's an unkindness in itself, come to think of it.)

At least, I thought it was him. I looked at him enquiringly and he looked back at me.

Before I could say anything:

Mole: "You don't know me! You don't know me! You're fucking STUPID!!!"

The spotty-teen and I exchanged glances, and without a word, I paid my bill and left.

I know it's inconsequential, but it made me feel really shitty.

I wonder what I can do to get out of this room.

WHEEEE!!!!!!!

2007-04-22T22:00:00.000+10:00

I bought a Wii.

(Sorry Mina.)

My eyes hurt.

MY NEW IDENTITY...OR WHO I'VE ALWAYS BEEN

2007-04-16T17:51:00.000+10:00

It has been brought to my attention recently, or rather, I have realised, that I am this person:

Though actually, It would be more accurate for me to say that I am the character, rather than the person. I'm Elliot Reed, only not blonde and not as hot.

I was talking to Supe the other night and we were talking Scrubs, which I adore, when the realisation hit me.

I'm crazy, I'm neurotic, I speak too quickly, I'm an over-achiever, I'm highly-strung and emotional at times and often put my foot in my mouth amongst other things.

Supe wholeheartedly agreed that I am Elliot.

I take solace in the fact that Supe is The Todd.

DETOX

2007-04-14T23:26:00.000+10:00

I decided to re-energise my life and get rid of all the crap: bad feelings, stagnant ideas, toxic bachelors, etc, starting with myself.

And what better way than with a detox?

Detox! Wow! How fabulous! Wheat-free, gluten-free, yeast-free, refined food-free, red meat-free, dairy-free fun, fun, FUN!!!

Now, I have a 2 coffee a day habit, and Grail, the barista in the cafe next to work, provides fabulous conversation as well as great coffee.

Day 1 of the detox: Feeling fine...

Day 2 of the detox: That night I have the worst headache I have ever had. I have to go to bed early.

Day 3 of the detox: I wake up and feel like shit. I look with contempt at my hot water and lemon and curse it for not being the coffee I so desperately desire. I feel crappy all day. My headache disappears by that evening and I have the best sleep I've had in a long time.

Day 4 of the detox: No headache...go to visit Grail just for chat and no coffee and hope that I can vicariously capture how I feel when I do drink coffee. I've lost a kilo.

Day 5 of the detox: I have dinner with my parents. I blow my detox. It feels fabulous.

But considering how bad I felt, I think I'll stay away from caffeine for a while longer...

2007-04-12T20:18:00.000+10:00

Crazy freak incidents involving dentists.

Love it.

ONE LAST CHANCE

2007-04-12T10:26:00.000+10:00

"In my life I don't mean much to anyone
Lost my way, can't go back anymore
Once I had everything, now it's gone
Don't tell me again, 'cause I've heard it all before

Some people say that I'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
Guess I'll give it a try
I've got one last chance to get myself together
Can't lose no more time it's now or never
And I try to remember who I used to be
I've got one last chance to get myself together

Time has come for me to change again
I can't carry on like this, I will lose my friends
Don't say that you have given up on me
Just give me the time and space to heal my head

Some people say that I'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
I guess I'll give it a try
I've got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never
And I try to remember who I used to be
I've got one last chance to get myself together

And I don't wanna be misunderstood
I've got to take this chance and make it into something good

Some people say that I'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
I guess I'll give a try
I've got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never
And I try to remember who I used to be
I've got one last chance to get myself together"

-James Morrison

If someone wrote a song about this, there must be other people who feel this way at this point in time. That's comforting to know.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??

2007-04-11T00:11:00.000+10:00

My world is crazy. And by crazy I mean ~~abso-fucking-lutely ridiculous~~ CRAZY .

It has been well over 6 months since my first correspondence with Dick-man.

During my last happy communication with him, I told him if he didn't leave me alone I was going to go to the police.

He started messaging me again tonight. I'm ignoring him.

A+ for effort buddy.

TRUE PROFESSIONALISM

2007-04-06T22:12:00.000+10:00

Oh ho, those wacky dentists.

What will they think of next?

FEELINGS - OR LACK THEREOF

2007-04-05T12:45:00.000+10:00

What goes up must come down. Apparently.

This time last week I felt on top of the world and I now I feel numb.

I used to be so emotional. I remember when MC and I broke up, I cried every day for a month, and then off and on for probably the next 8 or 9 months after that. Since then, I'm so wary about letting people in, and I've learned to turn my emotions off and on like a switch. I haven't cried, not since my birthday. I can't. I've tried. I feel like I need to have a catharsis and let all the toxic feelings go but I can't. I'm emotionally constipated.

The Drummer told me it was a self-defense mechanism. I'm so terrified of getting my heart shat on all over again that I can't let anyone get near it, and at the earliest sign of bullshit, I put my foot down and it's over. I was strung along for 5 years and there's no way I want anyone to do that to me again.

It feels like my whole world has become anaesthetised.

I'M BACK!!

2007-04-02T14:06:00.000+10:00

Just arrived back from gorgeous Byron Bay, where I had a fantastic time. It's the first time that I've ever travelled alone for the sake of travelling.

Diving out at Julian Rocks was fantastic. I saw some leopard sharks, which I've never seen before. Awesome.

I also spent a great deal of time reading while lying on the beach. The downside of travelling on one's own is that I had no one to apply sunscreen to my back and consequently now have a very strange streaky sunburn pattern on my back.

In other news: up + down - strange + amicable x TJ + myself = I know I have to lay down my boundaries and I broke up with him last night for the second time. Ridiculous, no?

BYRON HERE I COME!

2007-03-26T15:23:00.000+10:00

I am so excited about my trip.

Flights have been booked.

Accommodation has been organised. (TJ said that I should just stay in a hostel since I'm going on my own, but for the life of me, I cannot bring myself to stay in a backpackers. I am not a backpackers sort of girl! "But you'll get to meet people that way," he says. I'm not going to freakin' meet people. I'm going to be ALONE.)

A day of diving out at beautiful Julian Rocks has been organised with Sundive. I've been with them before and they're awesome.

Reading material has been selected for a lazy day of lying on the beach.

SPF 30+ has been packed into my dive bag.

This is going to be my first break since January '06. I plan to enjoy every minute of it!!!

*******************

Question: Why do all birthday cards suck? Because of this, I'm forced to pick a birthday card that sucks and the recipient of the card will think that my taste in birthday cards is pathetic. But it's not my fault! All the birthday cards suck!

2007-03-23T22:02:00.000+11:00

Impulse: what makes me buy tickets to see Gwen Stefani in Melbourne, when I don't even like Gwen Stefani.

180 DEGREE TURN

2007-03-19T15:21:00.000+11:00

I am in such a great place right now:

I got my certificate of admission to the NERD College today. It has a gold seal on it. It's shiny.

I booked my flights for my solo mini-break to Byron Bay. I'm planning to spend a day diving Julian Rocks and a day lying on the beach doing absolutely nothing. Bliss.

Things with TJ are going amazingly, ecstatically well. He even pretended to be a dentist to accompany me to the ADA congress exhibition.

I can't remember having so many good things happening to me. This time last year I was so depressed and couldn't see the end of it.

Now I don't care what happens. I feel I have so much to look forward to.

I DID IT!!!!

2007-03-16T18:46:00.000+11:00

I quit my job yesterday!

I handed in my letter and told Dr Evil that I was pursuing further studies with the view to specialise. I reasoned that if I told him that I wasn't happy, he would try to convince me to stay and make my last months at the practice horrible and uncomfortable.

I feel fantastic.

Only problem is I'm going to miss my girls.

***************

By the way, not going into details, but kind of, sort of got back together with TJ.

And in case you were wondering, yes, it's a good thing.

SURELY SHE CAN HANDLE A BIT MORE STRAW...

2007-03-13T22:55:00.000+11:00

That's it.

In 2 days time, I am handing in my resignation as I can no longer stomach working for Dr Evil.

Knowing this, I feel so incredibly light and carefree, like a huge, massive weight with hair-plugs has been lifted from my shoulders.

I will no longer be called a social worker. I will no longer have Dr Evil sit in on all my appointments with new patients to make sure I am treatment planning them to his liking. I will no longer be victimised and made the scape goat of every practitioner meeting. I will no longer have Bug-Eyed-Stick-Insect-With-Superiority-Complex staring at me with her bug-eyes and a superior smirk on her face, staring at me fixedly throughout these meetings. I will no longer feel evil by association.

Today, I had a new patient attending in pain. She only had 5 lower front teeth left. One had a beautiful root canal treatment that was 15 years old, had always been completely asymptomatic and on x-ray, seemed technically perfect - just like Ameloblast's. Her complaint was on pain in the lower left jaw that "wasn't a dull ache, but a feeling of a heaviness that spreads down the neck, across the chest and left breast and under the left arm". When questioned, the patient said that she had experienced exactly the same pain last November, saw her doctor, who sprayed something under her tongue and then referred her to the hospital for testing, including an angiogram, which apparently, showed no blockages. After taking the spray, her pain disappeared.

I tested all her remaining teeth in every possible way and was sure her pain was from her heart and was being referred. I have seen this before and the previous patient I saw this in ended up with a quadruple bypass and no fillings, even though he was convinced that he was having dental pain.

Dr Evil came in, wanting to check what I was planning for treatment for this new patient, which was namely seeking medical assistance. I explained the situation to him and my reasons behind my provisional diagnosis.

He quite matter of factly took a look at the patient and informed her that I would help her by retreating her root canal, doing a crown and then discussing with her restoration of her upper jaw with implants.

In my pathetic weakness, with Dr Evil watching, I proceeded to remove the old root canal, the whole time terrified my patient was going to go into full cardiac arrest at some point.

I have never felt like such a scumbag in my life.

At the end of the appointment, I quietly stressed to the patient that she urgently seek medical advice, then went into the cafe next door, ordered a soy cappucino, and cried.

I am so glad to be getting out of here. It's just not worth it.

2007-03-09T22:40:00.000+11:00

I am going to apply for a Masters in Dental Science or Doctorate of Clinical Sciences in Periodontics.

I am certifiably insane.

If I don't make it in, I am going to die.

****************************

I asked Dr Evil for 2 days off in 3 weeks time. He was not impressed that I did not give him sufficient notice. I have not had a holiday since January last year.

I hate him.

Him and his hair plugs.

****************************

A patient of mine told me today that he is taking steroids and they have made his testes shrink. Fortunately, his penis has remained more or less the same.

I don't know why he was offering this information.

It's not relevant to his root canal treatment.

Or is it?

The same patient was trying to set me up with a friend he does weekend detention with.

Dreamy.

Dreamy like a syphillitic chancre.

HAPPY MARDI GRAS!

2007-03-04T15:19:00.000+11:00

Went to watch the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras last night. We by chance, ended up with a great view. The atmosphere was fantastic. Drunken men were mooning parade officials from up in the trees, people were arguing about political statements made by the various floats, I was getting random gay men to open my beers for me and a great deal of body glitter was transferred through sweaty hugs.

I was the fortunate recipient of some of this body glitter, having been hugged by a number of gorgeous gay men.

When I asked God to surround me with beautiful men, I should have been more specific.

THOUGHTS

2007-03-01T21:06:00.000+11:00

It's the first day of Autumn already! It's scary how quickly time seems to be passing.

Thinking about how quickly this years seems to be rushing by made me think back to my psychic reading.

I have considered what she has predicted. Mused on it and contemplated it.

I have come to a conclusion:

Though highly entertaining and fabulous blog fodder, psychics are bullshit.

IT'S O-O-OVER

2007-02-25T22:54:00.000+11:00

Well, that didn't last long.

Broke up with TJ. It was strange and extremely amicable. At the end of the day, we just weren't that into each other.

Back to the drawing board.

LIME, BASIL AND MANDARIN

2007-02-19T17:09:00.000+11:00

I absolutely adore Jo Malone.

I know it's a waste of money. Candles and divine smelling, pretty, shiny things.

I remember going to the Jo Malone counter with Looking-Down, where we saw a candle the size of a bucket. I know it's ridiculous, but it was eerily covetous...

I finally returned the awful, hideous, disgusting, orange bag that I received for Christmas today in Woolhara. I traded it in for a weird kitchen grater set and a red Leatherman. (There was nothing in the shop. It was one of those weird design concept places that sells little other than Alessi homewares.)

While wandering down the street, I saw a Jo Malone shop. A whole shop dedicated to Jo Malone! Not just that pathetic measly counter in the city.

To the disgust of the shop attendant, I sprayed many, many, many fragrances on many, many, many strips of paper.

Now my handbag smells divine.

***********

Went to Tropfest with TJ last night. We brought a picnic rug and he picked a bottle of wine.

The wine was off.

YESTERDAY

2007-02-15T10:44:00.000+11:00

First day back at uni teaching nervous 3rd year dental students. It was their first experience with a real, live patient and most of them were quaking with fear. Mind you, all they did was do an exam and take a history, which took all of them over three hours. Oh well, they're here to learn.

TJ took me out for Valentine's day, to Prime in Martin Place, supposedly the best steak in Sydney. He's trying so hard. Bless.

(FYI: The steak? Good, but not "the best steak in Sydney". The mash served with the steak? Faaaaaaabulous.)

PHOTOS ARE DECEPTIVE

2007-02-11T19:34:00.000+11:00

Things with TJ are going better than expected. I was pleasantly surprised to find that his oral hygiene was excellent, with hardly any calculus, just some mild toothbrush abrasion. Fair enough, how are the non-dental supposed to know?

However, I was asked out on a date by another guy that I met online and decided to go. Why not?

Online, he was nothing to write home to mother about, but seemed reasonably decent.

In reality, he had large, fleshy, jellyfish-like bags of skin hanging from the inside surface of his upper lip.

Call me shallow, but it just can't be done.

IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE.....IT'S BEIGE AGAIN

2007-02-08T10:34:00.000+11:00

It all seemed so promising until last night when I realised:

TJ speaks with a baby-like affectation when cuddling
He got annoyed because he couldn't get me off
He's a nocturnal bruxer

Anyway, I have descended back into beige-ness and confusion.

I am seeing him this Saturday to check out his teeth. If I can address the bruxism there may still yet be hope.

SHIPROCK, LILLI PILLI

2007-02-04T13:07:00.000+11:00

Just got back from diving at Shiprock. It's the first time that I've been there.

It was a great dive, I was actually really surprised at how much stuff there was to see: cuttlefish, leather-jackets (some of them huge!), an octopus, moray eels, a numb ray, loads of hermit crabs and a few purple nudibranchs. Visibility was about 5 metres (which is apparently quite good) and maximum depth about 15m.

The shit thing about the dive is the fact that I'm still not used to shore diving in temperate waters and got myself a big frickin' cut on my palm from a frickin' oyster, and the fact that I hate lugging all my heavy crap up and down. I'm so horribly unco-ordinated (hey, that's why I'm a dentist) that I worry I'll fall flat on my arse and all the cooler, more experienced divers will laugh at me.

But it was a great dive. I'd definitely do it again.

A map of the dive site, courtesy of Michael McFadyen's Scuba Site.

Shiprock dive site, satellite view.

IS THERE A FUNGUS AMONG US?

2007-02-03T07:51:00.000+11:00

"Guys grow on you like fungus", the words of wisdom from Dr Mommy.

Well, she's right. TJ has grown on me - I actually like him. It's about freakin' time I met someone who was confident, considerate, intelligent and thoughtful. Better yet, he actually has an opinion and a mind of his very own.

Hurrah!

2007-02-01T20:54:00.000+11:00

I can't wait until the day finally comes where I can have my own practice. One of these reasons, is because I work for Dr Evil who is vehemently anti-specialist referral. I mean, they only do an extra 3 or 4 years of full-time study in their selected field. What would they know?

Example:

Me: "Dr Evil? I have this lady I want to refer to an oral surgeon. She has a suspicious looking radiolucent lesion in her right mandibular ramus." I show the radiograph.

Dr Evil: "But look...this patient needs a lot of crown and bridgework...she may even be a candidate for implants..."

Me: "Uh, yes, but she has something growing in her jawbone."

Dr Evil: " This could be a very productive patient. There's the potential for ceramic units here."

Me: "Yes, but that won't be of any use to her if her jaw breaks because she has an ameloblastoma or something. Can I refer her?"

Dr Evil: "..."

I'm still waiting for a response!

*****************

TJ asked me out for Valentine's day. (Ooh-er!)

He lives with a 27-year-old female flatmate who lives like an animal. She leaves bowls and plates with old crusting bits of food all the place and has a cockroach infestation. She seems to be a lovely person but I didn't want to touch anything in the apartment for fear of contracting some weird and exotic disease, or perhaps rabies.

But if I should end up foaming at the mouth, maybe I could get some time off work. Now there's a thought.

FANTASTIC. COULD I GET YOU TO OPEN A LITTLE WIDER?

2007-01-28T17:09:00.000+11:00

TJ has made himself an appointment to come and see me for a dental checkup, and I have been given permission to do whatever I feel is necessary.

I work for Dr Evil, and therefore we are heiniously expensive, and all my figures get monitored, so I can't discount anything, not even for family. (I do try to do things for free every now and then for some people. I worry that working for him makes me evil by association.)

Dr Evil's practice is also not even in Sydney. I work in Mullet Country.

He must really like me.

DATE NO. 2

2007-01-25T11:48:00.000+11:00

Arranged to meet in front of Town Hall steps. While waiting, I was treated to a delightful display of 2 drunken Aboriginals swearing at the top of their lungs whilst being cuffed by police officers. Exciting!

TJ had been sunburned over the weekend and his earlobes were peeling. -1

He insisted on paying for drinks. +1

He also insisted on paying for dinner but eventually let me pay when I said no. +1

He had no idea how to choose a wine. -1

He likes olives and anchovies on pizza. +1

His teeth are not so bad on closer inspection but could use a ZOOM. Neither + or - 1

He bought me another drink. +1

He didn't ask me if I wanted dessert before asking for the bill. -1

He asked me out again. Since the score comes to a grand total of +1, I said yes.

BACK ON THE HORSE AGAIN?

2007-01-21T01:52:00.000+11:00

First date with TJ tonight, or considering it's past midnight, last night.

We met up at about 6ish in a trendy little suburb, about 5 minutes from TJ's place. We had coffee, the conversation flowed reasonably well, then dinner. I have a fondness for Japanese food and despite the fact that TJ doesn't think it's that great, he wanted to take me to a Japanese restaraunt. This was followed by more coffee.

I remember thinking the whole time - "I wonder when his last dental visit was?...hrmmm...."

This is a problem - I could never ever ever seriously think about having a relationship with someone with poor oral hygiene...and from across the table, his oral hygiene seemed fair...but who knows how much subgingival calculus could be lurking interproximally??? The thought of it is unnerving...

Anyway, after coffee, he said he would walk me back to my car, but he took a detour to a small sort-of park area where he held my hands, and kissed me - lots of tongue. (Why do men think that women enjoy having a tongue thrust straight into their mouths?) He's not a bad kisser, but the whole time I was thinking "I hope he's not high caries risk...I hope his mouth isn't colonised with periodontal pathogens." That was the good thing about MC being a dentist...I knew his oral hygiene was impeccable.

He told me I was really cute. Which is fine. But I've always wanted to be a hot, sexy bitch, and I think I'm doomed to be "cute" forever.

...

The tongue harbours a lot of pathogens you know...

...I had to brush my teeth and floss and soon as I got home.

Anyway - do I like him? I don't know...I feel kind of....beige about it.

Do I want to see him again?....Sure, just to see what happens and to get to know him better...It's kind of surreal...I haven't been with anybody in ages.

EXAM RESULTS:

2007-01-20T06:50:00.000+11:00

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I need to re-print my business cards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ROAD IS LONG...

2007-01-16T20:15:00.000+11:00

I finally finish these stupid NERD tests tomorrow. One more exam to go...it's been the longest week and a half that I can remember for a long time. It's crazy with the amount of complaining I do about Dr Evil and Bug-Eyed Stick-Insect With Superiority Complex, but I'm really, truly looking forward to going back to work.

All study and no human interaction make kissaki something something...

In other news, I am becoming wracked with insecurity and doubt regarding my date with TJ.

On the lighter side of the news, my mother is lamenting that I am trying to become more qualified because I am "scaring all the men away."

...

Boo.

**********************************

I was sent this ages ago by The Drummer. I'm putting it up for the benefit of any dental people out there that may find it as amusing as I did.

2007-01-11T22:07:00.000+11:00

TJ and I have organised our first date for the weekend after next. (First weekend after NERDs.)

I haven't done the "first date" thing in so long.

Dream or disaster?

I'll let you know.

LIBERATION

2007-01-10T19:50:00.000+11:00

I was at The Institution today, doing some last minute cramming for my big NERD test when I saw a group of dental nurses walk nearby.

The nurse in the middle had short black hair with red streaks through it and I was struck with the feeling that this was Faceless Ugly Work Girl. She was short, older looking, wore glasses, spoke to her friends with an accent and was moderately unattractive. (I know that sounds mean, but I'm just being honest.)

I asked Looking Down, and ascertained that it most probably was FUWG.

And then I realised - I don't care.

I feel FANTASTIC.

****

To change the topic, another cartoon:

2007-01-07T21:16:00.000+11:00

NERD tests start on Tuesday. Having to study is driving me absolutely ker-aaaazy. I'm already qualified...so why am I doing this? Stupid bloody ambition...

Interesting conversation with TJ on the phone this morning:

Me: "I cried in Finding Nemo when the clown-fish eggs got eaten by the barracuda." (Don't ask why we were talking about this!)

TJ: (Quietly but still audibly) "God, you're so cute."

Me: "What?" (I heard, I just wanted to hear it repeated. Haha.)

TJ: "Nothing...I just wish I could see you right now!"

Ahhhh...nothing like some positive male attention to make you feel more desirable...

AH, L'AMOUR

2007-01-06T21:59:00.000+11:00

I know it's old but I love this film.

NEW YEAR'S CELEBRATIONS

2007-01-01T13:11:00.000+11:00

Lick, sip, suck.

Never again.

RECENT DEVELOPMENTS

2006-12-28T21:53:00.000+11:00

After being continually hounded, I have decided to "put myself out there" and have been trying very hard to meet new and interesting people.

Of course, because this is my life, the vast majority of them have been ~~freaks~~ somewhat eccentric.

However, I am happy to report that I have met at least one relatively normal and interesting specimen, TJ.

However, I am embarassed to say that due to Nasty Excruciating Royally Disastrous test which is soon approaching, I've told TJ. that I won't be able to meet up with him for about a month.

I know! I know! I'm kicking myself too, but I'm such a geek that at the moment I have to put my NERD test first, and if he's the decent type, hopefully he'll understand. ( I know. I bitch and whine about not getting laid and then I say "Oh, sorry, but I have to study." What is wrong with me?? )

I must be an insane masochist to take this much work on.

*sigh*

PUS EQUALS PLEASURE

2006-12-15T20:45:00.000+11:00

Incision and drainage.

Like busting a pimple but ever so much more satisfying.

A patient comes in to re-treat a root canal another dentist buggered up. She complains it's incredibly sore and now she also has swelling.

I look at the swelling. I prod it. It's squishy.

"R...get me a scalpel." We both visibly tremble with excitement.

The scalpel slices into the swelling like a hot knife through butter, until it hits bone. And the pus - it pours!!!

R and I exchange looks over the patient - looks that convey sheer joy.

Man, I love my job sometimes.

REVELATION

2006-12-12T23:51:00.000+11:00

I have just gotten back from seeing 007: Casino Royale, and I have to say that I think Daniel Craig has got to be one of the hottest things I have ever seen. The eyes, the charm, the body. Mmmm....

I did initally scoff at the new dirty blonde Bond , but I have to take it all back and say that as a dispassionate, ruthless and efficient machine who kills for a living, he totally rocks my world.

No wonder I make such bad choices with men.

2006-12-11T17:14:00.000+11:00

Dammit, I have in fact just realised that this is karma - I have indeed been hit with some form of The Curse Of The Smug Girl.

However, my thoughts go to the shiniest, pearliest of all great pearly pearls of sublime, hallowed, gob-smacking sources of absolute wisdom - Shakira.

"I'm really a cat you see
And it's not my last life at all."

CHRISTMAS FESTIVITIES

2006-12-10T12:57:00.000+11:00

Well, I'm steadily making my recovery. Found out that it's common knowledge that MC has been seeing Faceless Ugly Work Girl for quite some time now. I'm coming to terms with it, and I realise that I did tell him after all, that if he did meet someone who was special, he should embrace it and allow her in. I also told him that I wanted him to have the best of everything that life has to offer. I still wish he hadn't lied to me all that time, but I've heard that FUWG is actually a very nice girl, so I'm trying to wish them the best.

...

So! Yes, we had our work Christmas party last night. All of us frocked up and with an endless alcohol supply, we took advantage of our boss's generosity and got absolutely stinking wasted.

Moments of note:

F flashing me her breasts in the carpark to show me her scar from her breast implant surgery.
Being kicked out for gate crashing someone's work Christmas function.
Receiving my eagerly anticipated gift from my boss - an expensive, but puke orange cheap looking hideous canvas bag - and having to pretend to be thrilled with it. I'm wondering who I dislike enough to give it to.
Finding out that Hairy Necked Guy told everybody that he was "going to have me in the back of his Sigma by the end of the night".
Untangling Crispy's skirt which has gotten caught in her shoes and pulled it off her body, leaving her standing in her knickers in the middle of the street outside a club.
Trudging to my car in the morning with panda eyes, Rocky and Bullwinkle pyjama bottoms, a man's shirt and black diamante stilettos, to many strange and amused looks.

In other words, a great success.

2006-12-07T21:11:00.000+11:00

So I just found out about 30 minutes ago that MC has a new girlfriend, who happens to be, for those of you who have been reading my blog from the beginning, Faceless Ugly Work Girl. Though of course, I know now who she is. She's the dental assistant at The Institution with spiky hair with red streaks in it and bad skin.

Of course, it's always been deny deny deny deny, no, I'm not interested in her, we're just friends, deny deny deny...

And now they're shlepping all over each other at some party as I type.

Fuck, I hate him.

And the thing is, I haven't met anybody. Nobody. And no, it's not because I don't "get out there". I go out, I socialise, I try to meet people, just for the sake of getting out and making new friends, not because I'm desperately looking for a new boyfriend. But it shits me that some ugly dumb-ass dental nurse who sucks spit for a living is quite possibly, almost certainly, fucking my ex.

I just am trying to come to terms with the fact that this guy, who said he loved me, was going to love me forever, that if it couldn't work with me, it wouldn't work with anybody, that no one was ever going to take my place, that I was his best friend, that he always wanted to have me in his life no matter what, is out there fucking an uglier, dumber, bad-skinned version of me.

Maybe I'm being a bitch but right now I'm not in my right mind.

Maybe I'm a bitch always.

This is the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

I feel like a fucking fool.

A devastated one.

THE CHARMS OF YOUNG, VIRILE MEN

2006-12-06T22:30:00.000+11:00

I recently had to cart a drunken 21 year old boy (the boy in question being a technician who works with us) home and it went something along the lines of this:

Hairy-Necked Guy: "I love women."
Me: "Uh huh."
HNG: "Man, I love women."
Me: Uh huh."
HNG "I love to fuck women."
Me: "Okay."
HNG: "I love women. I love to fuck women. I love to fuck women in the arse."
Me: "Oh God."
HNG: "You have a vibrator?"
Me: "What?"
HNG: "Do you? Really??"
HNG: "Really??"
HNG "Do you use it?"
Me: "No. It's just a great conversation piece."
HNG: "Man I'm horny. I'm going to go swim naked."
Me: "How nice for you."
HNG: Reaches over and rubs my shoulder doing this creepy thing with his thumb. "So...do you want to come upstairs for...coffee?"
Me: "No. I really want to go home. Good night."
Me: "....Get out of my car."

He had better not be the tall man wth dark hair that my oh-so-knowledgeable psychic oh-so-creepily predicted.

PSYCHIC READING

2006-11-27T21:36:00.000+11:00

"Some people come into our life to stay and some just pass through. A man has just passed through yours but he will always be remembered by you with fondness and there are always reasons for eveything that happens. Nothing happens without a reason my friend.

I feel you will meet another man later on. It does not hurt to have a bit of a break and be without a man. Best you use this time for personal growth. Do a course, learn medation or go to a health farm. Whatever you fancy but it is time you did things just for yourself. Put you first and you will grow. Learn a new skill etc, it doesn't matter what just as long as you grow.I feel I see a man with dark hair and rather tall. It would seem he is in some sort of business. I feel this man will be ready to settle down. He will come into your life by early next year. You need to get out and about more. If you don't look you will not find, he will pass you by. So get out there my friend.

You are a real find to a good man as you are a beautiful soul. Wishing you love and light."

...

"Learn to meditate or go to a health farm"? - Yeah. When I've finished all my ice cream and vodka.

"I feel I see a man"? - I feel I see I hear I touch myself kind of choking on my own bile.

"Would seem that he is in some sort of business"? - Wow. Not just any business, but some sort of business. What a catch!

"My friend" - No, dammit. We're not friends.

"You are a beautiful soul. Wishing you love and light." - Who the fuck says this sort of thing???...Oh, that's right...drippy, fake psychics. (How beautiful is my soul right now?)

PROBLEM:

2006-11-22T21:54:00.000+11:00

I really need to find a boyfriend.

I am going to run out of storage space foy my porn.

QUESTION:

2006-11-07T18:08:00.000+11:00

Is rubbing a handful of ice into a man's crotch sexual harassment?

MY PROFESSION

2006-10-29T20:17:00.000+11:00

I had a few randoms (but hey, isn't everybody who comes here,) visit my blog searching for information about crowns and dentists. It was interesting to see the number of people out there who discuss their dental experiences in their own blogs. Usually, they're complaining about the high cost and unneccessary treatment, dentists not taking responsibility for their work and doing procedures without proper informed consent.

I think that of every 5 new patients I see, at least 2 of them will introduce themselves to me with the charming opening line of "God I hate dentists."

First of all (imagine your best Jerry Springer/Maury Povich big mama voice) "Mmmm Hmmmm...Don't hate. You don't know me." - Hello! Rudeness!!! I mean, do you walk into a shop, say "I hate all you retail whores," and then expect good service??

I tend to smile, then put on a fake puppy-dog-eyed look, and then say "Aw. Ouch. I'm going to lock myself in the toilet and cry now," which usually results in a quasi-apology. "Oh, I don't mean it personally. I just hate dentists." Er......okay...

Secondly, yes, I completely agree. There are some mean, rude, inconsiderate, money-hungry, insensitive, dishonest fuckers out there that give us all a bad name. But it's not all of us. I always, but always, tell people why they have this problem in the first place, how they can prevent it, what the different options are, the pros and cons of each option, how long it lasts for and how much it costs. It's so totally shit trying to get people to trust you when they're convinced you're trying to use them to pay off your Porsche.

I sometimes wonder why I'm in this job. I get told I'm hated, on almost a daily basis from people that have never met me before. It's gross and smelly. I have crazy people who are in their late 50's come in with a picture of Jennifer Lopez, saying they want me to make them look like that (it really does happen), and people who don't listen to my advice, neglect themselves and then come back 6 months later, all mental at me because they're in pain.

Yeah, yeah, whinge, whinge, whinge. But what about the money?

Well, after I've paid whatever I have to pay to the laboratories, 60% plus another 10% of that goes to my boss, and that's before the tax-man comes. I'm not rich, but I'm confortable. The money lets me live without worrying and I carry a nice handbag.

So why am I doing this?

Because at the end of the day, I have some lovely, wonderful people who are grateful, who I feel I make a real difference to and I become very fond of.

So if anyone's reading this, be nice to your dentist.

Unless they're an arsehole. In which case, go ape shit.

THOUGHTS

2006-10-27T21:28:00.000+10:00

"Let's play!!!! On my mood swings!!!!"
I'm up. I'm down.
Fuck.
Am I bipolar?

"Dr. Evil: 'I'm going to do ceramic crowns and onlays for my patients...and charge them...(pinky finger to lip) one million dollars!!!!'"
Does working for this guy make me evil by association?

"My dog has an anxiety problem."
I took him for a long walk by the beach and brought with me a new travel dog water bowl.
He is absolutely terrified of it.
A guard dog he ain't.

"Psychics are bullshit."
I got told I had to visit my dentist because I was going to get a toothache.
I AM a dentist.

"Put something in there or it'll close over."
Ew.
Man, I need to find someone to fuck.
Would it be easier to find someone if I dumbed down and earned less money?
It was suggested to me that if I drive a good car (-I don't,) it would hinder the process.
But unintelligent, financially insecure people can drive nice cars too.
You know. In make-believe land.

"Wow. I'm a bitch."
I told you. I'm having mood swings and I need to find someone to fuck.

"Shutup woman, before you embarass youself any further."
Alright, alright.
I'm going to bed.

TIME TO GET BACK IN THE WATER

2006-10-22T18:40:00.000+10:00

I went scuba diving today.

I used to try to go quite regularly, but haven't been since before I split up with MC. So a few weeks ago, I was walking past a ProDive shop and wandered in. Next thing I knew, I had signed up to go diving again.

So I woke up early this morning, to go diving at a location called The Steps. I stared down at the makeshift, muddy, steep, sandstone steps at the top of the cliff to reach the dive spot and thought to myself "How in the world am I going to get down those damn things with all my extra shit (over 30 frickin' kilograms worth) without -a) falling over and making a complete ass of myself b) slipping, knocking my head and plunging into a watery grave?"

Fortunately, the wind was making a big rip in the area, so we couldn't go.

(HUGE sigh of relief. Because if I did somehow manage to get down the steps without killing myself, surely my luck wouldn't hold out to have me survive the trip back up.)

So instead, we went to nicely protected Camp Cove in Watson's Bay. And it was great.

Well, it wasn't great, but it was good to go diving again after such a long time. Mind you, there's absolutely fuck all to see. The odd fish, numerous jelly blubbers (the type you stick down people's boardies - or is that just me?), a dead lobster (wow!), sea urchins, a few cuttlefish (now they actually happen to be very cool), and a flatworm that totally freaked out when I touched it and then afterwards proceeded to play dead like some possums do. (It was playing dead - no I didn't kill it, all I did was touch it, and besides, I waited a while and then when it thought no one was watching, it started to move around again.)

Anyway, I realise this is a fairly boring post (yeah - and your other ones aren't??) but I'm pretty excited. I'm going to go again in a few weeks.

(...)

2006-10-15T09:58:00.000+10:00

(Omg, how excited am I that the Happy Feet website has been updated to flash?? And they have a game - yes it's a fairly shit one, but they have a game!!! With dancing penguins!!! Dancing PENGUINS!!!!)

(I want to go to Antarctica and hug a penguin.)

(In the bizarrest of worlds (you know, the good kind), the penguin would then hug me back.)

Did I say that or think that???

DISCREET TITILLATIONS

2006-10-09T08:59:00.000+10:00

I went to a sex toy party the other night.

It was hosted by Bum-Pincher, one of the nurses I work with. So I went with a whole bunch of work girls to check out the goods.

The actual sales person from the company, Discreet Titillations, who was showcasing the toys and lingerie, was an extremely unattractive, morbidly obese woman, with a grey front tooth. She was married and had recently had her third child.

If the truly heinous can find love, surely there is hope for all of us.

(As an aside, my boss Dr Evil's girlfriend, Bug-Eyed Stick Insect With Superiority Complex was there, stocking up on sex toys for herself and him. Is it too much to ask for one's own piece of mind and undisturbed sleep, that the people that you detest remain completely asexual?)

QUESTION:

2006-10-02T09:33:00.000+10:00

Is it possible to blow your nose with so much force, that the snot goes upwards through your nasolacrimal canal and out your eye?

REFLECTIONS ON ONE YEAR

2006-09-26T18:29:00.000+10:00

Today marks the day when MC and I split up twelve months ago after five years together. At this point in time exactly one year ago, I would have been in his bedroom, lying on his bed, the two of us clutching each other and sobbing, realising that what we had was essentially over. Yes, sad and pathetic I know, but at the time, it was truly traumatic, and I don't think that I've ever been in so much emotional pain in my life as I was that night.

One year on and I still think about him a lot. Sometimes wistfully, fondly, longingly, sadly. Sometimes angry, bitter and feeling absolutely cheated and abandoned.

I suppose at the end of the day, if things are meant to be, they're meant to be. ( I know - sorry, very cheesy.) But if someone truly wants to be with you, it'll find a way of happening, and I have real doubts that it will happen for me in this case. So I'm just trying to get out there, and with time, hopefully, my heart will heal. We never know what the future will hold, and as MC himself said to me after we broke up, "only time will tell".

Since I've been a complete emotional sap in this post, I figure I can't do that much more damage. I was listening to my iPod today and played a song by Maroon 5 over and over, because it made me feel....happy.

"I cannot forget, refuse to regret,
So glad I met you and
Take my breath away, make every day
With all of the pain I have gone through.
And Mama, I've been crying
'Cause things aren't how they used to be.
She said 'the battle's almost won,
And we're only several miles from the sun.'"
-The Sun, Maroon 5, Songs About Jane

TIME FOR A CHANGE?

2006-09-17T22:15:00.000+10:00

I'm hoping things are starting to move, wheels starting to turn, life starting to unfold in a different direction. Life has been rife with stagnation recently. Which is odd, because actually, loads of things have been happening:

I've bought an apartment
Ra-Row has come to visit and is leaving tomorrow
My home loan consultant, Voltage, has (I'm pretty sure about this) been flirting with me

Actually, in list form, it seems like hardly anything has happened. So stagnation is right.

****************

Because I'm tired of talking about my inert life, I'm going to pick on a hapless celebrity:

So Britney Spears has sprung forth another unfortunate infant, Sutton Pierce. Same initials as her other son, Sean Preston. This is a mean thing to say, but since becoming a mother, I've never seen Britney look so damn unattractive - aren't mothers meant to glow or some shit like that? Glow? Or let themselves go? I forget which one.

I suppose we have to give her credit for not being afraid to be who she really is - white trash who looks like some of the patients I see in Mullet Country.

FACELESS UGLY WORK GIRL

2006-09-06T22:04:00.000+10:00

Okay, so Faceless Ugly Work Girl exists.

But I feel better. In fact, dare I say it, I feel quite smug.

Looking-down told me today that Faceless Ugly Work Girl is older, far less attractive, less intelligent and not well-educated, and has a much poorer complexion. (Gay friends are the best. They even know to tell you that your skin has better tone and smaller pores.)

I am afraid that I will now be hit with the Curse of The Smug Girl and MC will be found in a dark alley-way receiving a hand-job from a pre-op transsexual.

In other exciting news, Dick-man has sent me another message, even though I asked him to not contact me anymore.

IS IT THE END?

2006-09-02T21:01:00.000+10:00

It has been slightly over a week since my first correspondence with Dick-man.

I received a phone call 2 nights ago:

Dick-man: "Hey sweetie, how are you?"

Me: "You're freaking me out. You're a pervert, aren't you?"

Dick-man: "No! No! I'm a normal guy. I'm 29, I'm a financial planner and live in Posh Place..................so what are you wearing?"

Me: "You are fu-reeeking me ouuut!"

Dick-man: "No! I'm a nice guy....I lived in London for 3 years....I've travelled to 37 different countires and I've been to Disneyland 5 times......................so what turns you on?"

Me: "What sort of person sends pictures of their penis to a complete stranger???"

Dick-man: "No! I sent them to you before I realised I didn't know you!"

Me: "Yeah....and AFTER AS WELL!!"

Dick-man: "Alright, alright....Look, if you want, I'll just delete your phone number and I won't call you anymore, okay?? It makes no difference to me."

Me: "Good. Because I'm not comfortable."

The end?

After a day of no correspondence, I started to receive messages again.

Is there anybody interested in having bad text sex with a depraved stranger? If so, please leave me your details as I have one that I'm trying to give away to a good home.

ODE TO ICE CREAM

2006-08-31T21:49:00.000+10:00

Peter's ice cream
I bought you a week ago:
Choc Fudge Sundae.
Scattered with nuts,
Swirled with chocolate,
Rippled on the surface.
I desired you tonight.
Smooth, sweet, cool.
A frozen kiss
To explode on my tongue.
Tonight I opened my freezer,
Excited, anticipating.
Yet when I pulled off the lid,
You were not frozen,
But melted, melted, melted.
Oh why?
Why did my freezer stop working?

....SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT....

2006-08-27T10:02:00.000+10:00

I received a report on my World Vision sponsorship child.

She's failing school in maths and english.

...

...

*sigh*

Now I know how my mother felt.

*shudder*

HE DID WHAT NOW?!??

2006-08-26T15:27:00.000+10:00

These sort of strange things could only happen to me.

On my way home from The Institution several days ago, I received a text message.

Msg: "Thanks for the other night. You were amazing. Want to catch up again?"

Unfortunately, I have had a drought of amazing activity. Amazing activity seems to avoid me. In fact, we are currently barely on nodding terms.

My instant reaction was that this was a practical joke. Some one that I am friends with (why on earth would I be friends with these people???) must have gotten a mate to text me. So I rang the number.

Me: "Who's this?"

Stranger: "Who's this?"

Me: "Who are you?"

Stranger: "You called me!"

Me: "You messaged me!"

Stranger: "Sarah?? It's Stranger!"

Me: "Uh....noooo. I'm not Sarah..."

*stunned silence*

*bewildered laughter*

Stranger: "Oh my god! I'm so sorry I'm so embarassed."

Me: "That's okay. Congratulations on having an amazing night."

You'd think that would be the end of it.

However - to my amazement (oooh! something amazing!) as I drove home, I received another text message. A picture message. A close up view of Stranger's erect penis with the attached note "As promised..." From this point forth, we shall refer to Stranger as Dick-man.

Another message followed: "So sorry. How embarassing. I even sent a pic. Ahhh. Pretty funny though..."

Ten minutes later, another message. Another picture. Another penis.

Followed by another message: "Sorry again. Hope you have a good night...Dick-man."

I didn't know whether to feel harassed or amused.

And I thought that was the end of it.

It's now two days later, and I continue to receive messages on my phone from Dick-man. Sometimes asking me what I'm doing that day, what my favourite food is, what my favourite sexual position is, and if I'm enjoying the weather.

Now, Dick-man has been told, you are messaging the wrong person, and yet, he seems to really want to chat to me. And send a third picture of his penis.

Is this a random, friendly and somewhat perverted stranger? Or is this someone indirectly related to me in some way playing a practical joke?

(Thankyou to those of you who managed to get to the end of this rather long-winded post.)

IF I CAN BE SERIOUS FOR JUST A MOMENT...

2006-08-21T21:19:00.000+10:00

I'm feeling a tad lonely.

Yes, yes, I said I wanted to be left alone, and I still do.

I think I'm just desirous of the company of those that have been absent from my life recently: Ra-Row, Looking Down, and dare I say it, MC - the ex.

Esq. asked me today how long I would be willing to wait for him if he were to grow up and change his mind and essentially see the error of his ways.

That's a good question. Am I waiting for him? Or am I simply in the process of s-l-o-w-l-y letting go? I said to him that as long as the feelings were still present, there was still a chance.

Is there?

I truly don't know.

Five years is a long time to let go of and get over.

Nearly one month to my 12 month breakupiversary.

WHAT I REALLY WANT:

2006-08-19T23:54:00.001+10:00

1) To be left alone.

2) A good fuck.

3) For something to change in a BIG way

(Yes, I realise that (1) and (2) cannot both be achieved at the same time and that if (1) or (2) were to happen that would actually, probably fulfill the requirements for (3).)

OVER EASY, SCRAMBLED, POACHED...

2006-08-14T14:42:00.000+10:00

I've been wondering why I've been so ~~fucking nuts~~ emotional and depressed recently and have experienced such erratic bouts of binge-like shopping.

(I bought a charm for my bag. It has gems and diamantes and knitted pom poms and a rabbit's arse on it and the colour matches my handbag perfectly. It was a waste of money and is completely useless and everytime I sling my bag over my shoulder, the rabbit's arse whacks me in the back, but it's soft and furry and it ~~gives me great pleasure to stroke it~~ feels nice.)

One of my assistants, The Package, said "You must be ovulating."

A double-yolker it would seem.

HRMM....

2006-08-13T09:18:00.000+10:00

Is it wrong that I am incredibly excited that they've updated the Happy Feet website?

So excited I re-watched the trailers over and over again for an hour?

ATTACK OF THE FALCON...

2006-08-12T21:47:00.000+10:00

After realising I had to pay the government an unholy amount of tax money, I swore to myself that I was going to start sticking to a budget.

Naturally, I went shopping later that day.

And by shopping - I mean SHOPPING.

And by SHOPPING, I refer to the fact that I spent so much money that within two hours I had spent such an amount that American Express felt the need to freeze my card for fear it had been stolen.

I got frozen on my own credit card.

It was a very proud day.

I spent the next day answering questions regarding "some unusually high spending activity", assuring the gentleman with the american accent (it's an American Express card after all,) that I was the one who had spent the money and had simply gone "a little nuts".

However, on wearing of new purchases to a party, I had three guys try to pick me up simultaneously.

Shame? Guilt? Mounting debt? Destitution?

Sufferage for the cause.

And if you don't have beautiful material possessions, how else are you supposed to know what you're worth?

I WANT BLOOD!!!!! (Perhaps yours?)

2006-07-31T22:18:00.002+10:00

So - there is a development in the story regarding MC and Faceless Ugly Work Girl.

Saturday night just passed, went out with friends S and L and colleague (note: colleague not friend) PG. Had fabulous cocktails and above average dinner.

Now, it has become apparent to me that when S very kindly gave PG a lift home, she told him to keep it a secret from me but that MC is dating a dental nurse from The Institution. And apparently? "They're a good match."

...

...

...

...

WHAT THE FUCK?????????

First of all, PG: How do you know they're a good match? You don't even know him. As a matter of fact - you don't even know me. So you shouldn't talk shit about things you have not a clue in your tiny little hollow head about.

Secondly: I am damned sick and tired of your gossiping about me. Build a bridge and get over yourself and stop spreading shit about other people.

Thirdly: If you show your smug face in front of me again and fake a smile and cordiality, I may just hit you so hard you have to stick your toothbrush up your absolutely uptight arse to brush your teeth.

*ahhhh that feels better*

And for the record -no they are not dating.

Fuck fiction.

That's FACT.

SAVING THE WORLD, ONE STITCH AT A TIME...

2006-07-30T00:49:00.000+10:00

It all started a few weeks ago...

Long time friend Mina asked me around to hang out at her house - what has quickly become a Sunday tradition. "Help me do some knitting," she implored.

(Yes. Yes. I know what you're thinking. We're in our 20's and we knit. We must be sad and pathetic.)

...

(You're probably right.)

I arrived, an array of knitting needles on hand. (Yes, I have an array. A collection if you will.) I cast on, (32 stitches) and the work began.

Now, a sensible person would have enquired as to why they were spending a Sunday helping a dear friend knit. This notion didn't take me until the project was underway. Apparently, the few lines of cheap, acrylic yarn (classy) on my needle was something of a noble notion. It was charity. It was giving. It was a knitted rug for World Vision to be sent to Mongolia.

I scoffed at this project. Belittled it. It was going to end up looking like it came from a third world country. And it's my understanding that these Mongolians can sew and embroider exquisitely. Why not buy them a Bond's doona? It's Australian, it provides warmth and the people receiving it won't be inclined to either laugh or feign gratitude. And to add insult to injury, the rug has a deadline. Speaking of which...

I had better stop blogging.

I had better get back to knitting.

GO AHEAD CALLER, YOU'RE ON THE AIR...

2006-07-24T18:43:00.000+10:00

Spent today with lovely married friends, M and T.

Interesting news: M and T met up with large group of friends, including ex-boyfriend of 5 years, estranged for 10 months- MC

M: "I don't know how to tell you this, but we all went out for dinner last Thursday night and MC brought a girl with him..."

Me: (Bastard! Heartless BASTARD!!) "Oh really? Good for him."

M: "I asked him if he was dating her, and he insisted no, they were just friends...and besides, there's no competition - I don't say this about alot of people but...well...she was pretty ugly."

Me: (Hahahahah!) "Ah well, I don't really care if he's dating again. He's either going to meet a girl that makes him grow up, or he's going to screw her head around too."

M: "I really don't think he's dating her. She's from his work and they had something that they had to do together that afternoon and then he just brought her along. They didn't even speak to each other much all night. And as I said, she's no competition for you anyway. He's an idiot."

Me: (Yes, yes he is...yes...he...is...) "I baked you guys a chocolate banana bread."

I like to bake. It makes the house smell nice.

As for MC? I don't think he's dating Faceless Ugly Work Girl...He said to me only 2 weeks ago that he was happy, he was going out all the time and that he "liked quite a few girls". He said to M that he hardly ever went out, wasn't interested in anybody and spent most of the time at home - that he spends most of his time just working.

Will the real MC please stand up (and be a man)?