REFLECTIONS ON ONE YEAR
Today marks the day when MC and I split up twelve months ago after five years together. At this point in time exactly one year ago, I would have been in his bedroom, lying on his bed, the two of us clutching each other and sobbing, realising that what we had was essentially over. Yes, sad and pathetic I know, but at the time, it was truly traumatic, and I don't think that I've ever been in so much emotional pain in my life as I was that night.
One year on and I still think about him a lot. Sometimes wistfully, fondly, longingly, sadly. Sometimes angry, bitter and feeling absolutely cheated and abandoned.
I suppose at the end of the day, if things are meant to be, they're meant to be. ( I know - sorry, very cheesy.) But if someone truly wants to be with you, it'll find a way of happening, and I have real doubts that it will happen for me in this case. So I'm just trying to get out there, and with time, hopefully, my heart will heal. We never know what the future will hold, and as MC himself said to me after we broke up, "only time will tell".
Since I've been a complete emotional sap in this post, I figure I can't do that much more damage. I was listening to my iPod today and played a song by Maroon 5 over and over, because it made me feel....happy.
"I cannot forget, refuse to regret,
So glad I met you and
Take my breath away, make every day
With all of the pain I have gone through.
And Mama, I've been crying
'Cause things aren't how they used to be.
She said 'the battle's almost won,
And we're only several miles from the sun.'"
-The Sun, Maroon 5, Songs About Jane
One year on and I still think about him a lot. Sometimes wistfully, fondly, longingly, sadly. Sometimes angry, bitter and feeling absolutely cheated and abandoned.
I suppose at the end of the day, if things are meant to be, they're meant to be. ( I know - sorry, very cheesy.) But if someone truly wants to be with you, it'll find a way of happening, and I have real doubts that it will happen for me in this case. So I'm just trying to get out there, and with time, hopefully, my heart will heal. We never know what the future will hold, and as MC himself said to me after we broke up, "only time will tell".
Since I've been a complete emotional sap in this post, I figure I can't do that much more damage. I was listening to my iPod today and played a song by Maroon 5 over and over, because it made me feel....happy.
"I cannot forget, refuse to regret,
So glad I met you and
Take my breath away, make every day
With all of the pain I have gone through.
And Mama, I've been crying
'Cause things aren't how they used to be.
She said 'the battle's almost won,
And we're only several miles from the sun.'"
-The Sun, Maroon 5, Songs About Jane
posted by Kissaki at 6:29 PM
1 Comments:
A friend of mine once told me that, when these thing happen, it's always for the best. You improve yourself, learn new stuff, realize that maybe things weren't as good as you like to remember them and also that something better always comes along.
My reply was "bullshit!". Didn't felt like I learned anything, felt miserable, used, cheated and pissed off at myself for feeling this way. I never had anything you could actually refer to as strong emotions, being generally cold and calculistic, so yeah, I was a bit out of myself at the time.
One day (and somehow, this blog had it's part in me realising it) I decided I was going about this all wrong. I'm a happy-go-lucky kind of guy generally, don't let much get me down, am smart, good looking and fun to be with... I don't have to do that shit to myself. I have to just... get over it.
Right now I'm at least happy again. Dunno what's gonna happen when I see her again, but hey, at least I'm not living with her contantly on my mind, making me sadder and sadder...
I had a point when I wrote this, lost it somewhere... happens when I rant. Think it was somewhere along the lines of... let yourself go. Life flows wether you opose it or not, might as well go with the folow and see where it leads. Try and let go a bit more of the past... you'll feel better.
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