MY PROFESSION

I had a few randoms (but hey, isn't everybody who comes here,) visit my blog searching for information about crowns and dentists. It was interesting to see the number of people out there who discuss their dental experiences in their own blogs. Usually, they're complaining about the high cost and unneccessary treatment, dentists not taking responsibility for their work and doing procedures without proper informed consent.

I think that of every 5 new patients I see, at least 2 of them will introduce themselves to me with the charming opening line of "God I hate dentists."

First of all (imagine your best Jerry Springer/Maury Povich big mama voice) "Mmmm Hmmmm...Don't hate. You don't know me." - Hello! Rudeness!!! I mean, do you walk into a shop, say "I hate all you retail whores," and then expect good service??

I tend to smile, then put on a fake puppy-dog-eyed look, and then say "Aw. Ouch. I'm going to lock myself in the toilet and cry now," which usually results in a quasi-apology. "Oh, I don't mean it personally. I just hate dentists." Er......okay...

Secondly, yes, I completely agree. There are some mean, rude, inconsiderate, money-hungry, insensitive, dishonest fuckers out there that give us all a bad name. But it's not all of us. I always, but always, tell people why they have this problem in the first place, how they can prevent it, what the different options are, the pros and cons of each option, how long it lasts for and how much it costs. It's so totally shit trying to get people to trust you when they're convinced you're trying to use them to pay off your Porsche.

I sometimes wonder why I'm in this job. I get told I'm hated, on almost a daily basis from people that have never met me before. It's gross and smelly. I have crazy people who are in their late 50's come in with a picture of Jennifer Lopez, saying they want me to make them look like that (it really does happen), and people who don't listen to my advice, neglect themselves and then come back 6 months later, all mental at me because they're in pain.

Yeah, yeah, whinge, whinge, whinge. But what about the money?

Well, after I've paid whatever I have to pay to the laboratories, 60% plus another 10% of that goes to my boss, and that's before the tax-man comes. I'm not rich, but I'm confortable. The money lets me live without worrying and I carry a nice handbag.

So why am I doing this?

Because at the end of the day, I have some lovely, wonderful people who are grateful, who I feel I make a real difference to and I become very fond of.

So if anyone's reading this, be nice to your dentist.

Unless they're an arsehole. In which case, go ape shit.

THOUGHTS

"Let's play!!!! On my mood swings!!!!"
I'm up. I'm down.
Fuck.
Am I bipolar?

"Dr. Evil: 'I'm going to do ceramic crowns and onlays for my patients...and charge them...(pinky finger to lip) one million dollars!!!!'"
Does working for this guy make me evil by association?

"My dog has an anxiety problem."
I took him for a long walk by the beach and brought with me a new travel dog water bowl.
He is absolutely terrified of it.
A guard dog he ain't.

"Psychics are bullshit."
I got told I had to visit my dentist because I was going to get a toothache.
I AM a dentist.

"Put something in there or it'll close over."
Ew.
Man, I need to find someone to fuck.
Would it be easier to find someone if I dumbed down and earned less money?
It was suggested to me that if I drive a good car (-I don't,) it would hinder the process.
But unintelligent, financially insecure people can drive nice cars too.
You know. In make-believe land.

"Wow. I'm a bitch."
I told you. I'm having mood swings and I need to find someone to fuck.

"Shutup woman, before you embarass youself any further."
Alright, alright.
I'm going to bed.

TIME TO GET BACK IN THE WATER

I went scuba diving today.

I used to try to go quite regularly, but haven't been since before I split up with MC. So a few weeks ago, I was walking past a ProDive shop and wandered in. Next thing I knew, I had signed up to go diving again.

So I woke up early this morning, to go diving at a location called The Steps. I stared down at the makeshift, muddy, steep, sandstone steps at the top of the cliff to reach the dive spot and thought to myself "How in the world am I going to get down those damn things with all my extra shit (over 30 frickin' kilograms worth) without -a) falling over and making a complete ass of myself b) slipping, knocking my head and plunging into a watery grave?"

Fortunately, the wind was making a big rip in the area, so we couldn't go.

(HUGE sigh of relief. Because if I did somehow manage to get down the steps without killing myself, surely my luck wouldn't hold out to have me survive the trip back up.)

So instead, we went to nicely protected Camp Cove in Watson's Bay. And it was great.

Well, it wasn't great, but it was good to go diving again after such a long time. Mind you, there's absolutely fuck all to see. The odd fish, numerous jelly blubbers (the type you stick down people's boardies - or is that just me?), a dead lobster (wow!), sea urchins, a few cuttlefish (now they actually happen to be very cool), and a flatworm that totally freaked out when I touched it and then afterwards proceeded to play dead like some possums do. (It was playing dead - no I didn't kill it, all I did was touch it, and besides, I waited a while and then when it thought no one was watching, it started to move around again.)

Anyway, I realise this is a fairly boring post (yeah - and your other ones aren't??) but I'm pretty excited. I'm going to go again in a few weeks.

(...)

(Omg, how excited am I that the Happy Feet website has been updated to flash?? And they have a game - yes it's a fairly shit one, but they have a game!!! With dancing penguins!!! Dancing PENGUINS!!!!)

(I want to go to Antarctica and hug a penguin.)

(In the bizarrest of worlds (you know, the good kind), the penguin would then hug me back.)

Did I say that or think that???

DISCREET TITILLATIONS

I went to a sex toy party the other night.

It was hosted by Bum-Pincher, one of the nurses I work with. So I went with a whole bunch of work girls to check out the goods.

The actual sales person from the company, Discreet Titillations, who was showcasing the toys and lingerie, was an extremely unattractive, morbidly obese woman, with a grey front tooth. She was married and had recently had her third child.

If the truly heinous can find love, surely there is hope for all of us.

(As an aside, my boss Dr Evil's girlfriend, Bug-Eyed Stick Insect With Superiority Complex was there, stocking up on sex toys for herself and him. Is it too much to ask for one's own piece of mind and undisturbed sleep, that the people that you detest remain completely asexual?)

QUESTION:

Is it possible to blow your nose with so much force, that the snot goes upwards through your nasolacrimal canal and out your eye?