REFLECTIONS ON ONE YEAR

Today marks the day when MC and I split up twelve months ago after five years together. At this point in time exactly one year ago, I would have been in his bedroom, lying on his bed, the two of us clutching each other and sobbing, realising that what we had was essentially over. Yes, sad and pathetic I know, but at the time, it was truly traumatic, and I don't think that I've ever been in so much emotional pain in my life as I was that night.

One year on and I still think about him a lot. Sometimes wistfully, fondly, longingly, sadly. Sometimes angry, bitter and feeling absolutely cheated and abandoned.

I suppose at the end of the day, if things are meant to be, they're meant to be. ( I know - sorry, very cheesy.) But if someone truly wants to be with you, it'll find a way of happening, and I have real doubts that it will happen for me in this case. So I'm just trying to get out there, and with time, hopefully, my heart will heal. We never know what the future will hold, and as MC himself said to me after we broke up, "only time will tell".

Since I've been a complete emotional sap in this post, I figure I can't do that much more damage. I was listening to my iPod today and played a song by Maroon 5 over and over, because it made me feel....happy.

"I cannot forget, refuse to regret,
So glad I met you and
Take my breath away, make every day
With all of the pain I have gone through.
And Mama, I've been crying
'Cause things aren't how they used to be.
She said 'the battle's almost won,
And we're only several miles from the sun.'"
-The Sun, Maroon 5, Songs About Jane

TIME FOR A CHANGE?

I'm hoping things are starting to move, wheels starting to turn, life starting to unfold in a different direction. Life has been rife with stagnation recently. Which is odd, because actually, loads of things have been happening:

• I've bought an apartment
• Ra-Row has come to visit and is leaving tomorrow
• My home loan consultant, Voltage, has (I'm pretty sure about this) been flirting with me

Actually, in list form, it seems like hardly anything has happened. So stagnation is right.

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Because I'm tired of talking about my inert life, I'm going to pick on a hapless celebrity:

So Britney Spears has sprung forth another unfortunate infant, Sutton Pierce. Same initials as her other son, Sean Preston. This is a mean thing to say, but since becoming a mother, I've never seen Britney look so damn unattractive - aren't mothers meant to glow or some shit like that? Glow? Or let themselves go? I forget which one.

I suppose we have to give her credit for not being afraid to be who she really is - white trash who looks like some of the patients I see in Mullet Country.

FACELESS UGLY WORK GIRL

Okay, so Faceless Ugly Work Girl exists.

But I feel better. In fact, dare I say it, I feel quite smug.

Looking-down told me today that Faceless Ugly Work Girl is older, far less attractive, less intelligent and not well-educated, and has a much poorer complexion. (Gay friends are the best. They even know to tell you that your skin has better tone and smaller pores.)

I am afraid that I will now be hit with the Curse of The Smug Girl and MC will be found in a dark alley-way receiving a hand-job from a pre-op transsexual.

In other exciting news, Dick-man has sent me another message, even though I asked him to not contact me anymore.

IS IT THE END?

It has been slightly over a week since my first correspondence with Dick-man.

I received a phone call 2 nights ago:

Dick-man: "Hey sweetie, how are you?"

Me: "You're freaking me out. You're a pervert, aren't you?"

Dick-man: "No! No! I'm a normal guy. I'm 29, I'm a financial planner and live in Posh Place..................so what are you wearing?"

Me: "You are fu-reeeking me ouuut!"

Dick-man: "No! I'm a nice guy....I lived in London for 3 years....I've travelled to 37 different countires and I've been to Disneyland 5 times......................so what turns you on?"

Me: "What sort of person sends pictures of their penis to a complete stranger???"

Dick-man: "No! I sent them to you before I realised I didn't know you!"

Me: "Yeah....and AFTER AS WELL!!"

Dick-man: "Alright, alright....Look, if you want, I'll just delete your phone number and I won't call you anymore, okay?? It makes no difference to me."

Me: "Good. Because I'm not comfortable."

The end?

After a day of no correspondence, I started to receive messages again.

Is there anybody interested in having bad text sex with a depraved stranger? If so, please leave me your details as I have one that I'm trying to give away to a good home.